TLWR: Emotions are a mess, and it’s tough to observe them when I’m caught up in them. Feelings are complicated, and I’m still figuring out how to let them just be. Thanks ChatGPT for not sponsoring this uh… blog. 873 words, 5 minutes read time.
You know, I used to say, “I hate emotions.” It was easier than actually feeling them. But then there were those days when I felt totally numb, and I found myself craving something—anything—just to feel. It’s funny, isn’t it? How emotions never stay in their neat little boxes. They’re like a storm—chaotic, random, and totally out of control, leaving me to figure out what the heck is happening.
“Just observe your emotions,” they say. So, I gave it a try. At first, it felt like I was learning to walk for the first time—wobbly, unsure, and just plain awkward. My senses would pick up on the feeling, my body was like, “let’s dive in!” but my brain was like, “uh, let’s just observe this from a safe distance, yeah?”
I followed the advice—feel the feelings instead of pushing them away. But, in that moment, my brain totally checked out. It was like it couldn’t even figure out how to react. It felt like my body and mind were on different pages, neither one knowing how to handle the situation. My body wasn’t really feeling, and my mind couldn’t make sense of what was happening. I was left exposed, with nothing but raw emotions hanging out there—unprocessed and, well, a bit awkward.
I felt so vulnerable, like I was letting my deepest self just hang out for the world to see. There were times I wanted to hit the pause button on this whole “emotion experiment”—it felt like maybe it was too much and too soon. I was worried that if others could sense what I was feeling, they’d misinterpret it, projecting their own stuff onto me. That’s when I realized how powerful projection can be. At the end of the day, no one else knows what’s going on inside my head except me.
When I stopped judging my feelings and let them exist without all the extra commentary, they started to fade away on their own. Sure, overthinking still tried to sneak in—classic me—but it didn’t feel as heavy. Being present and letting the emotions flow has become something I’m starting to get the hang of.
There’s something kind of addictive about the “feel-good” moments—the ones that I keep replaying over and over in my head, like some emotional highlight reel. It’s so tempting to indulge in them, but I’ve realized they often don’t have a solid foundation. It’s not about what’s real; it’s about what feels good in the moment. And, surprise surprise, I can get totally lost in those feelings, even when I know they won’t last.
This brings me to a little thought on love vs. attraction, especially with Valentine’s Day coming up. Last year, I tried to dissect love in a totally theoretical way, but this year, life’s been moving way too fast for me to get that deep. So, here’s the deal: love isn’t just about the rush of emotions or the fantasies I build up in my head. It’s about real connection, mutual understanding, and something that stands the test of time. Attraction, though—it’s often fleeting. The highs from attraction can be intense, but I know now they don’t always mean love. (No, it doesn’t have to be romantic, it can be anything.)
And I’ve learned that these emotional storms aren’t always triggered by others or external events. Sometimes, it’s my own reactions to sensory input that set them off. I can’t control when or how I feel, and I can’t just turn off my emotions like a light switch. I can’t keep using old coping mechanisms to try to stabilize myself. What I’ve realized is that the only thing I can control is letting those feelings wash over me, and remembering that, like everything else, they’ll pass.
So, in the end, I’ve come to see that emotions don’t need to be controlled or feared. Finding that balance between riding the wave and staying grounded is something I’ll always be working on. But now, I know the trick is to let them come and go, without clinging to them. Whether it’s sadness or joy, emotional highs or lows, I’m learning that they don’t define me, and they certainly don’t stick around forever.
Thank y’all for stopping by. I’m beyond grateful if you made it this far, reading a 20-something-year-old’s “insightful” writing about life loll.
Happy Lantern Festival! May it bring you warmth and light if you’re celebrating.
Also, Happy early Valentine’s Day! 💖
With so much love,
Lin<33
It’s been a while, so here’s some random ketchup 🍅🍅🍅
- I finished my first semester of med school. I survived. Proud of that 🥳
- I’m heading back for my second semester in like, a day or something. Excited, but definitely not ready for the soul-crushing stress ahead 🫠
- But hey, I’m doing well if you’re wondering 😇
- Yeah, I know, my emoji usage is off the chart today, so what? let me be me for couple of minutes 🫦💅💃🔥
19til29 