a goodbye to 2023

The dawn of 2024 has arrived. Time for some reflection. (Though I do it all the time LOL.)

Keywords of 2023: love, mental health, self-growth, and goodbyes.

I held high expectations at the close of 2022, completely unaware of the challenges that awaited, little did I know…

I tumbled out of love, grappled with anxiety and insecurities, and lost trust in myself. I constructed a self-imposed prison, trapping myself in constant guilt and rage, making the tail of 2022 the darkest period of my time.

I questioned the essence of love repeatedly, constantly seeking validation and pondering the authenticity of my feelings as potential alternatives to my insecurities.

I dove into a phase of distraction, engaging in endless swiping and enduring boring small talks to numb myself. Love lost its appeal, and I sought validation as a lifeline to ease the pain of my self-created prison.

I got into medical school, achieving the seeming “dream,” that became the straw I clung to for escaping the literal prison of my own making. I was resolute, yet apprehensive about the unknown future. Little did I anticipate the consequences of the decision I would make four months later.

I fell in love unexpectedly, blurring boundaries in a relationship that defied existing definitions—a unique interactionism within the contemporary dating landscape. Once more ensnared, I found myself lost in contemplation, unraveling the mysteries that lie beneath the surface of love.

I experienced the highest highs and the lowest lows, feeling the adrenaline rush of the golden hour and confronting extreme sadness amid the hustle between the outer world and the devastation within.

I bid farewell to the most difficult goodbyes, the kind that lingered in my thoughts for months — seven years of my life, the people and things I held dear, and a significant part of who I was.

I faced doubts stemming from life transitions and heartbreaks, struggling to recognize myself. I embarked on a long journey of finding myself, navigating through challenging days and nights as a walking hollow vessel—emotions passing through without leaving a mark.

I forged a deep connection with the outer world, learning the essence of self and the right way to love others and myself. I discovered the importance of keeping passion alive in today’s mundane world, emerging as a new and better version of myself after an extremely difficult process.

In 2023, I shed more tears, laughed harder, became more vulnerable, and loved more deeply than ever before. It was a year of adventures, a mix of gentleness and madness, love and heartbreaks, pushing me toward a higher plane of existence. As someone who used to struggle with goodbyes, I learned to bid farewell with courage.

At the beginning of 2024, I say goodbye to 2023, grateful for the lessons and the shaping it provided. Thank you, 2023, for taking care of me. (TBF, it was a nasty year LOL.)

I guess I do live for loving and being loved for a little bit more.