A teacher of mine from my middle school commented my recent post: kiddo you should pay more attention to your dating life, only the people who entered the market in the morning get to choose.
Ok, time for another introspection post. As a 20 year old college student, do I want to date? Yes. But do I REALLY want to date? Probably not. I feel like there’s something wrong with me that whenever I encounter this type of questions, I’d answer yes but after taking a deeper thought about it, I’d become indecisive about my answer. For example, “do you like your major?” YES. Wait, actually I’m not sure.
Another example, I was thinking about writing this post in Chinese but then changed to English halfway. I’ll leave the Chinese part here anyway, the thought flow, very fun to look at. I tried to explain this mental state, but I’ll just end here since I want to keep this post relatively shorter (or I’m just being lazy).
(I’m starting on a new project to improve my English. I’m aware that it is almost impossible for me to reach the native speaker level, but I mean, half English native plus half Chinese native would just make me a hybridized native right? Sorry this is too random just a little thought popped up when I’m writing this. )
What do I want? Who do I want to become? What are the priorities? (also a reply to my teacher’s comment)
- At the moment, I need a low neuroticism, or fewer mood swings. It might be hard, but after some deep analysis on myself, I have to admit that I’m not mentally or emotionally mature enough for things that are beyond my capabilities.
- I’m still trying to figure out who I want to be. So, it seems that it’s more important to know myself first before getting to know other people. I need to be a person who’s not easily attached to anything that might potentially affect my own goals.
- Priorities don’t allow me to even consider the possibility of it. I move around a lot and it’s just like the senior year of high school, it’s not smart to start anything new.
- I’m 20, technically I’m still in this identity & role confusion stage based on Erikson’s developmental theory. (lol jk it’s just an excuse)
It’s summer everyone, go out more, run, do sports, get tan, do whatever that can make you happy. Have a nice summer and I’ll see you in the next post ❤
【对，我要开始了，开始我的情绪倾倒。不好意思，我这一篇准备就这么逼逼过去了，中夹英，很烦，我知道，但是谁又不想懒一下呢？
其实我五六月并不是什么都没有写，notes里面堆了很多很多情绪垃圾，但是一方面的我没有什么精力来修改成一个成文的post entry，同时也觉得没什么必要做到每月一篇，even though it’s over $200 for yearly subscription.
从四月开始吧，然后一直持续到五六月份，我觉得我情绪管理的非常不好，虽然我生活看似非常有条理。我觉得自己本身就是一个矛盾体，不知道这是不是不成熟的表现，总是优柔寡断，which i know is a negative adjective，但有时候真的无法做出一个选择。然而，并不是所有的问题都是可以用是或不是来回答的，所以我总是在middle ground徘徊，想不明白自己到底该怎么办。比如，现在的我马上要开始谈谈感情，一方面的我觉得，“ugh 谁还每个情绪了，干嘛这么小题大做，你自己私下想想解决不就好了吗？”另一方面的我又觉得 “不管是什么情绪，都应该好好的对待。”
前段时间吧，可能跟我比较熟的人都知道，有那么个人，我走心了。我也不知道自己哪儿出问题了，开玩笑说是~网恋的魅力~，但过程is not so pretty。好了，这次我是真的看开了。难过肯定是会难过的，毕竟我内心还是很弱的哈哈，但是我知道会没事儿的，不说马上，只要努努力，肯定很快就能走出来。
不好意思，这几段中英文段落也太口语化了哈哈，多看点儿书，小黄同学！好了，表达能力有限，就先这样，下次我一定好好写！】
19til29 
It’s good to be confused at your age. It’s true that everyone has his/her own confusion. But not everyone realizes that and then tries to reflect on it.
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